Sunday, 12 February 2012
Oh boy am I feeling rough today :-(
I have buzzing all over, it's like fireworks going off all over my body. I'm amazingly tired and yet I haven't done anything and my lower back feels like someone is stabbing me with thousands of pins, it really burns. :-(
I only got up today because I needed to take my tablets but I could very easily have stayed in bed all day today. Maybe I need a set of tablets upstairs from now on?
I'm getting pretty fed up of this whole Oxycodone withdrawal too.
I'm still waiting to hear when I can go into hospital. I phoned the pain clinic on Thursday only to be told that they aren't admitting anyone at the moment because they have a virus in the hospital.
I completely understand that they can't let people come in but I'm so frustrated. I just want to get through this whole thing but I'm stuck waiting and I have no idea when I'll be going in.
I have an appointment with my pain consultant on February 20th and I suspect that I'll be going to that before I get into hospital!
I'm terrified that he will say that I need to just get on and do the withdrawal myself, at home, and I really don't want to do that.
I feel a bit of a coward but I just know it's going to be hell and I need the support of being somewhere where there are people who know how to help me.
I also feel that it's not fair on Martin if I have to do this at home. He is the one that will take the brunt of it and I don't want to do that to him.
It's such a difficult situation and I guess I just need to wait and see what happens.........all the time dealing with all the pain etc :-(
In the meantime I'm still trying to distract myself with the positive things I have to look forward to!
We have a party, a holiday and the Olympics to enjoy this year!
And I'm so grateful for all of that because it's giving me something else to think about and something else to focus on.
Organising Martin's 40th party is no small task! And then going on a six week holiday takes some planning!!
They are both things that I am so excited about and will be so great!
It is really important for us to have things to look forward to. When you are in the position of having a chronic illness that has totally changed your life, it is really important to have good things that you can focus on and look forward to. It gives you a purpose and helps to take your mind off things.
I'm not saying it gets rid of the pain or the fatigue or whatever issues you have but it just helps to remember the good things that you have to look forward to when you are going through those hard times.
So bring on May 5th/6th and May 8th...............................12 weeks and counting!! :-)