Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Still No Let Up!

OK, so I'm now in the third week of waiting to go into hospital to withdraw from Oxycodone & it's getting really frustrating!
I'm seeing my pain consultant on Monday so I'll be able to ask him what's going on.
The thing that I'm afraid of is that he'll tell me to just come off these drugs on my own at home & I really don't want to do that.
I do want to carry on with this. I'm desperate to get these drugs out of my system so that we can see where we go with it. I have eternal hope that, even if I end up going back on these drugs, I'll be able to go on them at a lower dose.
If that happens then this will have all been worth it!
But I am really anxious about my appointment on Monday.

I had an interesting appointment with my psychologist yesterday.
I told him that I have this appointment & my fears that my pain consultant will just tell me to come off the drugs but to do it at home. I told him that I really don't want to do that. In fact I'm scared of doing that. I told him that I do still want to do this but that I really feel I need the support of being in hospital. My psychologist said that it's OK to feel like that & it's OK to say that to my consultant. To ask to go into hospital. This is still a huge thing I'm going through & to want the security of hospital is to be expected.
One thing he picked up on is how I've already decided in my head what my pain consultant is going to say, what the outcome is going to be and that it's not going to be what I want to hear. I have nothing to back this up though of course!
Instead of just waiting & seeing what is said, I pre-empt it & it's always going to go against what I want. I do this a lot!
It was interesting because I said how I felt that I was being a coward because I didn't feel I could just get on & do this at home, but he said I should have more compassion for myself.
That took me aback - how many of us really have compassion for ourselves?
We are all taught to be compassionate to our fellow man but when & where are we told to be compassionate to ourselves?
He asked me how I would feel if it was someone else in this position. I was very quick to think that it would be OK if someone else was struggling with this situation. In fact I would be supporting them to go into hospital & get support, so why do I feel that it's so wrong for me to feel like this?!
We had a good discussion & I do understand what he's saying but putting into practice could be more difficult!
Being hard on myself is what I do best! ;-)

Love & hugs


  1. Hey Honey!! Good Post and agree completely. It is very easy to be compassionate towards others but not do the same for ourselves. I tend to do the same with presumming how an entire situation will go. Just out of curiosity!! Have you tried weaning off them slowly?? Instead of basically cold turkey!! I agree, some of us are on some seriously scarey medications. I am currently on quite a few as well.. I worry about when and how will be the time to try weaning off. I wish I didnt need them but I when I think it through. This is the first time in almost 5 years that I have a life and can exercise and be out of bed.. When I consider the alternative, it is tough.. I am not on oxycodone but Methadone and Norcos is what I am on. Is there a pain treatment that can help you the same, without it being oxycodone?? You know I am always here for you Sweetie to help you go through this. In Hospital or not, I am here!! I hope and pray the pain Dr. Will listen to you and your concerns... Keep me posted!! Xoxoxo

  2. Hey honey, thanks for that, it's always nice to hear that I'm not the only one who has these mad moments!!
    I have tried weaning off the Oxycodone slowly & when I get down to a certain level, I'm really struggling. So my pain consultant has said rather than prolonging the agony it's probably best to just go cold turkey for the last bit. It will take about a week of hell rather than a few weeks of coming down slowly.
    It's a nightmare, I was so naive about what I was actually taking. I thought I could come off them easily, but it's been so so hard. :( I had no idea that Oxycodone was twice as strong as morphine & I take morphine on top of that too. And even that doesn't sort out my pain, it's soul destroying :(
    Thank you for being there honey, I'm very lucky to have friends like you!
    I'll let you know how it all goes on Monday....fingers crossed!
    Loads of love XxXxX