Coping............or not!

Happy Bank Holiday Weekend!

I have been taking the Diazepam & the Baclofen for two days now and I am happy to say that they really seem to be helping with the spasms. It has knocked me out a bit, but I was expecting that and actually it's not a bad thing. It is forcing me to rest!

I am still having major issues with pain, which is really annoying. But I am able to cope with it a little better now, because I've had some rest. It's amazing how much fatigue can impact on everything. It's not just the physical issue of having to rest and not being able to do much, but it is how it affects you emotionally. It can make things seem so much worse, which of course, just brings you down even more.

I had this problem on Friday. I was so fatigued and in so much pain, but because I was fatigued, I just couldn't handle the pain. I just wanted to sleep so that I didn't have to think about the pain or how I was going to deal with it.

I am glad that I persisted with the Doctors and asked for help. It's not easy to admit that things are hard or to admit that you aren't coping, but when you have done it, it is usually the best thing for you!

I am currently seeing a Psychologist at the moment and I have to admit that it is helping me. It is very useful to be able to talk through "stuff" with someone who has no connection to me. I have to go to them for the appointments and to begin with I was a little apprehensive about it. I didn't like the idea that I was actually "going" to see someone. It didn't feel right to me. But now I realise that "going" to see someone, means that I can leave it behind when I have finished.

I think that this is working for me. I'll let you know in time!

Another thing that happened on Friday, that just added to everything else, was that my new wheelchair was being delivered.

I was chuffed that I was getting a new chair, because the reason behind it, is that I have lost weight, so my original chair was too big now! That feels pretty good, but the whole idea of having a wheelchair, is still a major issue for me.

So when I was feeling really low on Friday, I really didn't think I could handle dealing with anything to do with a wheelchair.

But, I have to say, that I was pleasantly surprised. I was lucky to have a good friend with me, when the chair was delivered and that made it a lot easier to handle. We were able to make light of it and so the situation wasn't as stressful as I had imagined it would be.

The chair itself, is so much better than the last one. It is brand new and it has quite a sporty feel to it!! It comes apart more than the last one, so that it will be easier for Martin to deal with. The wheels come off, along with the foot plates and the arm rests. It is a lot more comfortable than the other one and I'm not squeezing myself in to it, it is still quite roomy.

The really positive thing, is that I can see myself using this chair. I have said to Martin, that I want to go out in it over this weekend, and that is a huge thing for me! I am quite proud of myself for the progressive I have made in my head - now I just need to use it and stop making an issue out of it!

I have decided that one way for me to deal with this, is that I am going to have to customise it!

I am a massive Me To You fan (the grey bear with the blue nose!), so I am going to cover it with stickers and I may have to attach the odd tatty teddy or blue nose friend!!

I will take photos, once I have done it!

Anyway, the Diazepam is kicking in again and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. So while Martin is playing a mad shoot 'em up game on the PlayStation 3, with Matthew, I'm going to go and have a lie down, upstairs!!

Wishing you all a great Bank Holiday weekend, I hope the weather holds for you all!

Love & hugs

XxXxX