Back to work?

So I have been resting, like a good girl! (Not that it's done me any favours!)

But I'm still not sure that I feel ready to go back to work. The trouble is that I think there will always be a bit of me that doesn't want to face it, but I have to go back some time. 

I am amazed at just how tired I am. OK, so tired is wrong. Fatigued is what I meant to say. 

I am still struggling with withdrawal from the steroids. My body is still aching but it is getting better. 

I am incredibly frustrated though as my right side is still struggling with the numbness. My right hand is still painful and very altered. I almost feel that it is as bad as it was before the steroids. It's hard because there comes a point when you get used to it. So how much has changed and how much is the same but I have become accustomed to it? 

I was so sure that having two lots of steroids would be a positive thing and I would notice a difference. I am still hoping that with time I will get a benefit. 

My fear is that the consultant won't be confident that further medications will work. So will I be left fighting this on my own again? There is so much going around in my head at the moment and it is driving me crazy. Why can't there be easy answers to this illness?

I realised today, that we only have 26 days before we go on our holidays. I can't wait! It turns out that we planned it just right and it will be a welcome break. We are going on a narrow boat on the Llangollen canal. How relaxing!! And be assured there will be many pictures uploaded on here when we get back!! 

But before that, work beckons. Wish me luck for tomorrow and I will let you know how it goes!!

XxXxX