Thursday, 12 March 2009
2 days later!
It's now two days later, from my pretty stressful Tuesday. I am afraid to say that the pain is just getting more intense. My right side is feeling more and more alien and I am getting incredibly frustrated.
On the positive side though, I did have a call from the nurse again yesterday and I have been squeezed into my consultants clinic on Monday. Hooray! I am relieved that I will be able to see him and discuss everything that has been happening. I am going to write it all down so that I don't forget anything once I get there. Martin has arranged the time off too, so he will be by my side. It is still difficult though, as I feel as though I am wading through each day, just to get me to Monday!
This pain is such a nightmare. I would like to think that I am quite a strong person. I look at the things I am trying to achieve in life and I feel that I am approaching everything in a positive manner.
The one thing that is driving me crazy though, is being told to remember that it will get better. To think of the fact that things will improve and it won't always be like this. I appreciate that, of course I do. But my argument is, that it doesn't help me now. I can stay as positive as I like but when the pain is as intense and as constant as this is, I challenge anyone to stay positive and cheerful 24/7. When the whole of your right side has this tingly, painfully numb sensation that is causing my hand to feel very weak - writing isn't easy at the moment - and my leg feels as though it is twice the size it is, how do you not let it get to you. I have this weird feeling with my feet and right leg too. It feels as though I have got a sock on or some tights on and I haven't taken them off for a while. Even though there isn't anything on them anyway. You can imagine me trying to take socks off that aren't even there!!
I had a rehearsal for Show Boat last night, it was the first time with the orchestra. I was determined to go because I wanted to make sure everything was OK with my solo. Luckily my solo is the fifth number so we got to it quite quickly. It went well and I feel more confident about it now. But once I had sung it, I had to get Martin to bring me home. I was exhausted and feeling very unwell. I had been to work earlier that day too which probably wasn't a great idea, but I had to go in and explain everything that is going on. They have sorted out me being off on Monday and are primed and ready, knowing that I will need the time off to have the steroid infusions. I was so exhausted by the time we got home last night though.
I guess this is where I have to manage my energy a little better than normal. But I have so much I want to do right now.
I haven't had anything on today, so I have been able to just relax and take it easy. I have work tomorrow though. I will give it a go and just see what I can manage. I have rehearsals over the weekend too, but the way I look at it is, that by keeping busy, Monday will be here quicker. I just hope I don't wear myself out too much.
I know I need to rest but knowing it and doing it is something I find difficult to execute!
Oh well, three days and counting until Monday. I just hope it will provide some hope for me!