Downer.

I'm sorry to say that I am on a real downer tonight :(

I had a really rough night last night, didn't get much sleep. The steroids are taking it out of me in ways that you forget when you come off them. I am experiencing a lot of pain, still, which is frustrating. I woke up at about 3am with horrendous pain in my hands and feet and the hot flushes are annoying. I spent the rest of the night just dozing, on and off.

So I know I am tired, which is obviously affecting me emotionally. But it is driving me nuts.

I have taken my fourth dose of steroids today and I have to say that I feel really sick and shaky tonight. And it is really upsetting me. I also know that tomorrow will not be the end of it, I have the three infusions next week to get through yet.

I have always said that I will not be one to sit here and wallow in my own self pity - so snap out of it Amelia! 

How do we do that though? How do we not let this situation get on top of us every once in a while? 

Unfortunately, Martin is out at a rehearsal, which I don't begrudge in the slightest. He has to have his distractions too. And I am glad that he has an outlet, where he can let go.

And just as I have written that, he has rung to say he is on his way home - my knight in shining armour!! 

I know in the back of my mind that I am concerned about singing tomorrow night too and that is a big admission for me. 

Oh well, tomorrow is another day. It is a day that will be full of possibilities. Martin has the day off work and we will do all we can to get me to the stage tomorrow night!

Big hugs to everyone out there and thank you for letting me be down with you - it has even helped lift my spirit!

XxXxX